Notes to myself

 <      PLAY ME!

I type up whatever’s on my mind in my phone whenever I’m bored, angry, happy, mildly/depressed or tired. Okay, I’m kidding about the ‘tired’ part; I don’t feel like getting up to even go to the bathroom, let alone type something in my phone when I’m tired. Most of the ‘notes’ were written in the comfort of my room, but there are some others which were written randomly when I was out in the public. I start typing something and fiddling with my phone just so I don’t seem jobless and awkward whenever I go out alone without any friends or family.

So, Meera has been bugging me to write an article even though I kept insisting that half my brain cells were dead and the other half lacked any sort of inspiration. She even blackmailed me saying that she would go incognito on me if I didn’t think of something…anything to write before midnight( Okay, maybe not midnight, but she did force me to start writing this). So, I kept thinking and thinking and thinking. Nothing struck my mind. I drank some apple juice and thought some more. Nothing. I even trusted Meera and took a sip of Glen Deveron Whisky and nearly spat the entire thing out. All while she was devouring the taste of her supposedly amazing home-made wine. And still, nothing. I was almost coming to the conclusion that my brain cells were really dying when Meera sends me these messages on facebook:

“You have the talent of playing with words (My minds thinks: Stop trying to flatter me. This will not work with me). Implement it ( AN: I don’t want to). Pronto ( AN: Oh, whatever!)”. And then I’m about to brush away her words when she sends me another message, “I’m logging out”. I’m like, ‘WHAAAAAAT?! That’s rude’.  And then immediately a light bulb goes off in my mind. Evil laughter echoes inside my head and I can almost imagine my wicked alter ego rolling up her sleeves and rubbing her palms. I’m going to cheat. I’ll just type up all the notes that I’ve been writing during the past few months in my phone, here.

So, here they are. Five of the unending and most recent notes from my phone.

Note Un:

Date: 26.09.2012

Time: 9:17pm

I’m so pissed right now, I could kill someone. Literally.

Meera has been bugging me to write an article. “You don’t need an inspiration to write an article. You think I’m in the mood to write one? Yet, I’m still writing something!” she says.

So, me being the dramaholic, I suggest writing an article about my favourite Korean, Japanese and Taiwanese dramas to which she grunts in an unattractive, totally unfeminine way and says ‘No’. The reason?  'She' isn’t interested in them.

What did she expect anyway?! Apparently, she wants me to write about my life in the past year. According to me, the past two years were probably the worst and the most unproductive years of my life. Meera begs to differ though. “You met me! We became such amazing friends! How could you be so cruel as to say that?! We met X,Y,Z, Alpha, Beta, Gamma…” -.- Yeah, she started mentioning the names of all the people I met the past two years.

I wish the earth could open up now. T.T

Note Deux:

Date: 09.10.12

Time: 7:27am

Oh shit! There’s a spider spinning its web here. Aaaaaah! So creepy! I want to scream! x.x

Okay, maybe not scream. But it still is ‘Eeeew’ and *insert girly high pitched scream*.

I had a strangely creepy dream last night. No…nightmare would be the correct term. It was so weird! And scary. I was in this abandoned warehouse which never ceased to stop spinning(And it didn’t look like I was in India). Why was it even spinning?! And somehow, the warehouse had ‘my’ bookshelf inside it. I wonder who took the time to transfer it there. -___-‘’

And then, I see Kurt Cobain. He comes and tells me, “You are a product of a brainwashed society”. And then, I don’t say anything. Not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t; because I couldn’t control my own stupid dream.  And also, because I act like a downright loser in all my dreams. T.T

He says, “Why’re you at my house?” without looking at me. And in my mind, I’m like…YOUR HOUSE?! And then I look around ‘his’ house which has an uncanny resemblance to the interiors of my previous house (except the lighting’s really dark). B| *Suspicious*

While I’m at it, he invites me to have a cup of coffee with him and starts playing his guitar. And I still wonder how the song ‘Smells like teen spirit’ started playing in the background. Now that I think about it, it reminds me of the whole Narnia setup where Mr.Tumnus leads Lucy to the cave which he calls his home. He even offers her something to drink (Milk, was it?). What more, he even plays his flute! Oh Zeus! My dream’s a cheap rip off of Chronicles of Narnia. T.T

I apologize wholeheartedly, Mr. C. S Lewis.

Anyway, so I listen to him playing the song. And then suddenly there’s an earthquake. Yes! AN EARTHQUAKE! All I see next is a huge crowd and debris and Kurt Cobain in all his Zombie glory.

…

Wait, what? Zombie?! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES. The next thing I know, he’s chasing me. I hear his voice screaming, “You killed me”. Though I have no idea how I killed him, I feel guilty.

 So, I run. And panicking, I tripped on a stone. And then Kurt Cobain came up behind me and went, “Mwuahahahaha!” with an evil glint in his eye and ate me up. The End.

…

Okay, that didn’t happen. How cliché do you expect me to get? -__-

I didn’t trip over a stone. I kept running and running in circles. Kurt Cobain disappeared and the entire landscape changed.

The next thing I know, I’m in my LST class giving a mock test. ~.~

I blame the book ‘Five Flavors of Dumb’ by Antony John for the appearance of the amazing Kurt Cobain in my so called nightmare. And as far as the ‘Mock Test’ goes…I blame my fate.

Note Trois:

Date: 03. 10. 2012

Time: 7:36pm

Operation: Kill their elephant posterior sized Ego.

Yosh! *determined expression*For this to be successful, I need to go into my super-ninja stealth mode. I need to maintain my poker face. I need to control my tongue. I shouldn’t get riled up easily. And most of all, I need to put up an Oscar winning performance.

I should make sure that they can see that they aren’t getting to me. That’s the best way to deflate their…EGO. I feel so sleepy. *shakes head*

10 Minutes Later:

The ‘Silent Treatment’ isn’t working with them! What the Hades! *Eye Twitch* I guess, I’ll have to try the ‘Polite Treatment’ then. *Anime tears* *Sigh* I knew this would happen!

15 Minutes Later:

I GIVE UP! 

Note Quatre:

Date: 6. 10. 2012

Time: 10.56pm

I’m not in a very good mood. I can almost feel the steam coming out of my ears. Why does everything become my fault?! Huh? Huh?! HUH!? Guess why mother dear was scolding me this morning for. Oh, guess it, you! Did you guess something like ‘Oh, she probably talked back to her mother in a bitchy attitude’ or  ‘I’m sure she was skipping classes and getting bad grades’ or even, ‘Did she not go home last night?!’.

Sorry to disappoint you, but NO! She scolded me because…oh, you’ll love it…because I didn’t wake up with the help of an alarm clock and instead with the help of my own personal, human alarm aka My Granny. Unbelievable!

In my mind I’m all like-

But of course, I say nothing. This is how the whole episode went:

Me: *Sitting on the couch sipping my ambrosial apple juice*

Mum: *Starts shouting at me for no apparent reason* Why can’t you ever wake up with the help of an alarm?!

Me: …

Mum:*In her murderous rage* How many times have I told you to put an alarm?! Why are you so obstinate?! Don’t you know that I’m always looking out for you?

Me: …

Mum: *To my Granny* Don’t wake up her up again. She’ll just miss her classes. Big deal! *Turns to me* You’re incorrigible.

Me: …

Mom: *Starts shouting at my sister* And YOU! Are you trying to follow in your sister’s footsteps? Are you trying to imitate her? Do you think it’s something to be proud of? Are you-

Me: *Slips away surreptitiously*

FML.

But, I think I handled the whole situation well. Don’t you?

I’ve been reading this Wattpad novel titled ‘Faking It’…it’s alright. I mean, though it has perfect Grammar and all this eloquent English with size-able words, I feel like there’s something missing. I still don’t get the feeling that the writer of the said novel is a non amateur. The language somehow seems forced and fake. But the story-line caught my eye, so I think I’ll just continue reading it. Not only that, the main leads are interesting; different from the typical Mary Sue-ish female lead and a masochist, ‘I’m-too-arrogant-for-my-own-good’ male lead stories that I’ve been coming across on Wattpad and elsewhere lately.

I’m not going to be elaborating the story further(It's still on-going). Read it for yourself if you want to. If not, then…I don’t care?

Caution: It contains 'unpristine' language, Homosexuality( Homophobes might find it a tad bit repulsive but they’ll get over it), Drama( Not much, but there still is some. A story just can’t proceed without a tint of our beloved and probably over-rated ‘American’ High School drama, can it? *wink wink*) and of course, Betrayals ( With Queen B*tches, Nerds, Emos and Jocks).

Note Cinq:

Date: 28.01.2012

Time: 1.47am

“You’re a good liar, so at-least do the right thing”. This quote by Japanese fictionist Osamu Dazai had me pondering for a little more than 8 seconds which is unusual considering how I don’t give much attention to quotes like ‘these’. Quotes like ‘these’ as in quotes which don’t relate to me directly. And by that I don’t mean that I have never lied; because, I have. A little too many times.

But that’s beside the point. I came across this quote while watching the Japanese movie ‘How to become myself’. And quite honestly, this movie really touched me. Inspired me to an extent, even. There were so many circumstances and incidents in the movie that are dangerously close to reality. This isn’t a fantasy tale with happy endings and prince charmings and perhaps that’s why it was more effective. It portrayed life unaltered.

If someone asked me to rate the movie out of a 10, I’d probably give it a 7. And if they asked the re-watch value, it would most definitely be a 3 but that’s because this is one of those ‘One-time-watch’ movies. The story, though undoubtedly realistic, is predictable. And also, no one would want to watch a movie about the harsh realities of life over and over again.

This movie didn’t make my heart race and go all ‘fan-girl’ mode nor did it make me cry. It was plain, realistic and had a very slow pace it as well. However, it gave me a heart-warming feeling and left me satisfied with the lead character’s self realization towards the end of the movie. I just had to smile contently when she said, “I’m going to live my life in my own way from now on”.

Song Credits: Hello- By Yui